Dr. Cali Estes - The Addiction Coach ®

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The Addictions Coach: ANGER….A Major Stumbling Block

ANGER….A Major Stumbling Block


There are so many stumbling blocks these days that contribute to struggling addicts using again. Sometimes they are tangible or materialistic and sometimes they are our actual emotions. One of the most destructive emotional stumbling blocks is ANGER.

Anger can be bred from one or a combination of issues such as hate, hurt, ego and insecurity to name a few and can be incredibly BLINDING to the struggling addict during problem solving issues. Someone on the verge of drinking or drugging again might never find their way to a solution to their problem or problems because anger keeps them from seeing the path around the issues and to the solution.

Anger is also extremely destructive because it festers in a person and keeps them STUCK on “the little things” that in the grand scheme of things don’t and won’t help solve the issue or issues that are causing the stress that has the addict on the verge of relapse.

Let’s “role play” for a minute or two here. Eric is a young man who is married to his soul mate, Lisa, and they have been together for a decade and know each other inside and out. Eric brings some baggage into the marriage with drug use and Lisa brings some baggage into the marriage with extreme anger issues. Whenever the two “disagree”, Anger is the dominant emotion that takes over the situation from start to finish and a solution is never reached even though it’s “right there” for the couple to see and use productively.

Angers brings yelling, name calling, and anxiety. Anger actually brings and causes MORE hurt than what the couple had to begin with when the disagreement started. Like we talked about in the beginning, Anger is usually rooted in hurt from past negative experiences so it’s extremely hard to refrain from being angry or participating in angry outbursts. It takes a ton of work and discipline to stay focused on the solutions to our problems rather than reach back into all of our anger and hate to temporarily “make ourselves feel justified or right” or, on the other hand, make our partner feel shame and hurt in a potential disagreement.

One of the biggest DOWNFALLS we here at Top Recovery Coaches and Life Coaching for Drug and Alcohol Addiction see with angry couples letting anger dictate the outcome of their disagreements is that they as individuals need to do more LISTENING and less TALKING when the other person is hurting. Listening really is a SKILL and more people need to master this skill. Please call us here at 1-800-706-0318 if you are struggling with anger management issues or know someone who is.

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