Dr. Cali Estes - The Addiction Coach ®

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The Addictions Coach: Signs You Are Dealing with a High-Conflict Person.



Could you be dealing with a high-conflict person? Being the target of an HCP may contribute to the abuse of drugs or alcohol. Read to for an excerpt from Thrive Global that describes patterns of high-conflict people, and how you can protect yourself.  The elite team at The Addictions Coach can help you.  Call us at 1.800.706.038 or visit www.theaddictionscoach.com


The Patterns of High-Conflict People

And why you shouldn’t let them dampen your spirit.



Did you ever meet someone who seemed pleasant enough, until one day they suddenly turned on you and started raging at you for some minor disagreement, blaming you for things you didn’t do, threatening you with public humiliation or demanding that you assist them in criticizing someone else? Such people are often considered to have “high-conflict personalities.”

After studying and teaching about high-conflict personalities for the past ten years, there are several important lessons to be learned to avoid engaging in conflict with them in your family, at work or even in a legal dispute with a high-conflict person (HCP).

1) They are predictable: High-conflict personalities are surprisingly predictable, once you know the warning signs. Since they can become dangerous, this basic knowledge is becoming more and more essential for everyone, and it’s not complicated. It’s all about recognizing patterns.

High-conflict people (HCPs) have a narrower pattern of thinking, feeling, and behaving than most people. This high-conflict pattern makes their behavior more predictable than that of the average person, and makes it easier to identify someone as a possible HCP.

2) They increase conflicts: High-conflict people have a pattern of behavior that increases conflict rather than manages or resolves it, revealing warning signs that you can look out for. Sometimes this involves a sudden intense escalation of the conflict (screaming, running away, violence, etc.); sometimes it involves dragging out a conflict over months and years, while pulling many other people into it.

3) The issue’s not the issue: It’s essential to understand that, with high-conflict people, the issue that seems to be the cause of a conflict is usually not the actual cause. The issue is not the issue. With HCPs, their high-conflict pattern of behavior is the real issue.

4) They have an identifiable pattern: High-conflict people usually have the following four primary characteristics.

· Lots of all-or-nothing thinking

· Intense or unmanaged emotions

· Extreme behavior or threats

· A preoccupation with blaming others—their Targets of Blame



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