3 Ways to spot a toxic relationship and what to do about it
How to Spot a Toxic Relationship
12/13/2021 by Chris Cobb
Toxic relationships. We’ve all been in at least one. Whether we were the master manipulator, or our partner was the control freak, or we were simply both toxic for each other, most of us have had this experience. There have been too many posts on Facebook in 2021 about red flags if you ask me. Sometimes we don’t notice red flags until it’s too late. But me, for instance, I’ll see problems right out the gate, but will give this person the benefit of a doubt, I’ll even tell myself I can handle any problems like an adult, because I’ve “worked so hard on myself and everyone deserves a chance to grow”. Then I’ll always find myself regretting moving in with another Karen after “knowing” her for a week. I’ll just simplify it: I know what to look for, but I still have much work to do when it comes to either walking away or staying away from the beginning when I need to. Here are some things I typically stray away from, or try to convince myself that I need to, rather.
- The Ex is still in control –
This is number ONE on my list. Personally, I am finally to the point where I will simply not be involved with someone if their ex is still trying to control their life; who they see, what they do… So much avoidable pain here folks. I told myself I could handle it so many times, that I wouldn’t let it affect me, or my relationship with said partner. But when there’s someone on the other end of the line with your partner persistently using their child as leverage for control, or making threats to you, simply because you are with this person and they are not, there will always be problems, such as tension turning into outbursts and arguments, and ultimately, the worst kind of an end to a relationship; you end up pretty much hating each other. If you’ve ever spoken to a Life Coach or taken any kind of Life Coach Training, you’ll hear a lot about narcissism. And when a narcissist doesn’t get what they want, they will NEVER stop. Even if they know they will never win; if they can’t be happy, no one can. If he or she can’t have her or him, no one can. Let the person you are interested in leave their baggage at the door by setting healthy boundaries and sticking to them from the very start, or just stay out of their bubble. Next, let’s look at how general outlook on life can affect relationships. Keep reading.
- A Negative Mindset –
Some people are never happy, and don’t want to be. This is another one of those things you can only hope would get better over time, but usually does not when someone simply doesn’t wish to practice serenity the way you might. I’m toxic in my own ways, especially when it comes to thinking I can change people. When I’ve been in a relationship where things start out great, then quickly become darker and more depressing, I do my damndest to stay positive. One can only hold their temper for so long, however. When someone constantly complains or talks bad about other people, or how horrible their life is, this negative energy is transferred to you. When you tell them to look at things in a more positive light, they simply become offended and things get tense. And if you’re like me, and still have issues keeping your cool when things just won’t change, you’re going to end up being just as toxic as the person you are pointing the finger at. It’s really simple: If you see negative, stay away from negative. Otherwise, enjoy the Hell you’re about to voluntarily admit yourself into. If you’re having trouble staying away from negative people even when you see red flags left and right, you may find useful means of dealing with this internal issue by utilizing a Life Coach. One rule of thumb when it comes to relationships according to a Life Coach, do what’s in YOUR best interest. There’s another big old red flag to look for when it comes to choosing whether to hitch up or jump ship, onward read!
- They Can Do No Wrong –
This is probably the most annoying attribute in a person that leads me to way too much frustration and anger internally. When a person points out every wrong move you make, but laughs in your face when you mention they just ran the same red light as you did yesterday, the red light you will never forget, because you got called every name in the book over it. This red light of course, can be a metaphor for anything. If someone looks at themselves as a saint and you as the ultimate sinner, you’re lying in bed with the narcissist. No matter how cute and cuddly they may seem in their nice moments, don’t ignore the things you notice when they are trying to keep you under their thumb. You’re no one’s fool, unless you allow yourself to be.
There are plenty more signs of toxic relationships, these are my top three. I hope that if you relate to this writing, it can help you take a moment to reflect, and hopefully strengthen your immunity to the appetite for destruction you have been trying to feed. I highly recommend consulting with a Life Coach if you have troubles keeping yourself out of these situations. There’s no shame, only gain. Until next time.
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